Ok, taken that Shaharyar Khan is bent on the destruction of Pakistan cricket as we know it, but what of the motives of those who are shedding tears in lament?


A couple more highly amusing if predictable blasts in the local press against the PCB, one from “world renowned commentator” Mohammad Ilyas and the other from a man driven by his total devotion to the welfare of Pakistan cricket Mr. A.A.A – a man who is in obvious turmoil as he cares so much about the state of the sport in Pakistan that he can hardly bare the pain any longer and is prepared to spill blood for the salvation of the game. In actuality here is a man so consumed with jealousy that his each whinging salvo exposes him as being nothing more than a disgruntled opportunist who is using his every means to try to suggest himself as a potential saviour.

Mohammad Ilyas aka father in law of Imran Farhat is indeed a magnificent commentator, especially when he demonstrates his eloquence and dazzling command of the English language while commentating. Being a connoisseur of the absurd one was immediately drawn to his words on the idiot box as his eloquence has the singular power to induce guffaws like none other in recent times. I recall tuning into an inconsequential match on TV lately simply in the hope that a relatively dull day at the office would be enlivened by the sheer brilliance of Ilyas’s stunning use of the English medium and in that regard, one has yet to be let down. That he has now assumed the accolade of “world renowned” commentator must mean that the domestic matches played here in Pakistan must be watched all around the world – wonder how that happened. It does suggest that the appeal of Pakistan’s domestic cricket has a pulling power far greater than one could have ever anticipated – well done Mohammad Ilyas for using your gift of the gab to widen the appeal of Pakistan Cricket – Bravo! Let us also hope that he soon establishes a training school for commentators and that some sensible people in Pakistan follow suit (of our neighbours) and start a campaign to find the next Ilyas.......as in “Harsha ki Khoj Meain”. Just as the world evidently needs more jumped up buffoon-like geeks a la Harsha Bhogle (or indeed airhead experts such as Mandira Bedi) we could certainly do with the discovery of budding young Ilyas’s.

One of the truly excellent points that Ilyas raises about the state of Pakistani cricket is in the problem with the current coach Bob Woolmer who he states that “Woolmer himself was not fit then how he can coach Pakistan team”. The words of a man who clearly has unfathomed depths to his thought processes. So, according to Ilyas the coach of a team can only be fit to coach a team if he is physically fit himself! Duncan Fletcher doesn’t appear to be doing too badly despite the volume of his girth, but clearly Ilyas has an insight few of us could even dare to contemplate.

Then there are other ex-Test cricketers who are caught up in a time warp and consider their methodology to be the blue print for all times to come claiming that a system that produced such greats as Zaheer Abbas, Mushtaq Mohammad, Sadiq Mohammad, Imran Khan, Wasim Bari, Majid Khan, Intikhab Alam (great?) etc should be left unchanged as it was 35 or 40 years ago. To these people it seems that the game and its conditions, rules, techniques haven’t evolved or changed at all in the 35 years that have passed. This is the same thought process that claims that the Muslims, once the proudest swordsmen and horsemen of the world should abandon modern technology (cars, tanks, aircraft, missiles, ships, guns) and go for glory on horseback once again if they are to assume leadership of the world as they once had. Even ostriches with their head buried feet under the sand would perhaps realize that change and time and ageing are those commodities that cannot be stopped or frozen no matter how hard one tries. Resistance to change has always been the downfall of leadership that has remained intransigent. We may not like or approve of what changes bring but to try to halt change? Good luck to those wanting to live in a fools paradise where time apparently stands still and change is an alien concept.

Meanwhile people like Haseeb Ahsan claim that they had never even heard of Bob Woolmer in their playing days but Haseeb played his cricket in a different era than Woolmer and his career was virtually over when he was sent back from an England tour for being a “chucker” when Bob Woolmer was still in school! (oops, I really didn’t mean to reveal your true age Mr Ahsan). Woolmer may not have set the world alight as a player though he did manage to score 149 against an Australian attack containing Lillee, Thomson and Max Walker which is more than most could muster during the 70’s in the pre helmet days. It’s remarkable how selective amnesia creeps into the mind of those feeding on a diet of sour grapes in their chat masala!

Haseeb Ahsan’s numerous rants when he went on tour as a manager of the side in the 70’s and 80’s suggested that the man has a considerable chip on his shoulder, no doubt emanating from the fact that his bowling action was considered unlawful by the nasty “goras” who struck down his career just when he was about to become the greatest off-spinning legend the world has ever known. No doubt a conspiracy against him because of his massive talent and that he alone was going to take the Pakistan team to heights never dreamt of before. And finally, given that our team of “greats” including Zaheer, Majid, Sadiq, Mushtaq, Bari, Inti etc were as great as they claim they were – how come they hardly ever managed to win any series other than the then lowly New Zealanders or then strictly at home in the days when umpiring was little more than a joke in a home series? Doesn’t speak much for their collective greatness somehow? It was only under the leadership of Imran Khan in the 80’s, when the “greats” were on their way out that the Pakistan cricket team started enjoying some success in series away from the cheating local umpires. Before that we were a bunch of rather toothless paper tigers and burgeoning egos.

Accepted that Shaharyar Khan is bent on destroying everything about Pakistan cricket as we know – what else could be expected from a “retired diplomat” who supposedly knows nothing about the sport!? Meanwhile, since when did it take a P.HD to understand the nuances this sport? Its just another sport just like any other including tiddly-winks and in a country besieged by real social and political problems it smacks hideously of bad taste to be making a mountains of a molehill........our priorities have always been asinine as a nation and the ridiculous overemphasis on cricket is a glaring example.

And poor disgruntled A.A.A – anyone who reads his increasingly rabid laments and his outcry of concern about Pakistan cricket can also read between the lines that the man’s jealousy has already consumed him almost totally leaving him not much more than a spitting cobra with nothing but ample gobs of venom to spew.

Anyway, far more importantly, do you have it in you to be the next Harsha Bhogle? - What a world, what a world!